If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
