This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
