When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
