Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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