***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
