Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
