Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
