i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
