he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
