hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
