You smell like stripper and shame
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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