Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
