Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
