So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
