help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
