so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just found puke in my bra..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
