I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
