Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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