dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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