Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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