i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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