So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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