what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The beer is more important than you right now.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
