loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
