I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
