Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
