I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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