she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
