I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
