the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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