The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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