I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were destined to go to rehab together
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
