I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
