Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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