trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
