Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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