Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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