He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
