Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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