dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
