I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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