I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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