Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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