were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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