its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
