Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
