great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
