i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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