I bet he comes in French.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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