remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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