In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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