I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
