woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
