and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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